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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

Anonymous asked:

(referring to your previous posts) If validation is a big reason for continuing doing stuff here, as it's been mentioned before, then it might be a big reason as to why you get so bummed out all the time about it. We like what you do, but if it makes you so unhappy, and you feel like for some reason you have to fight and "keep up", you might want to reconsider stuff... I like what you do, but I don't want to see you destroy yourself over it, emotionally.

A lot of these issues are more fears that I don’t qualify for a future as an artist for one reason or another.

I understand that drawing or any form of art must be fun for the process to be sustainable, but as it stands for me, it just feels like everything I am or will be is on the line when I pick up the pen. Practice needs to result in huge progress. Every piece has to be a masterpiece or as close as I can get…

I hardly if ever finish my work, I get too stressed about meeting arbitrary deadlines or catching up to everyone. Popularity, notecounts, relationships, networks…I can’t keep up…

Art, for me, kinda lost the fun factor after a while…I still want to do it. Though, dunno if that’s because I’m determined to make it work somehow, or because I’m afraid I don’t have anything else to me but this…

I already lost friends and fans because of my own failures as a creator. I am more working now to avoid losing everything, rather than to just…create.

I really want this to be fun again. But after everything that happened over the last few years…I’m not sure what I can do to make it so…

Sorry, guys.

Anonymous asked:

I hope your okay. i love your art, But more importantly i hope you like to make art <3

I do. It’s just a struggle to try and get better, especially when I’m dealing with other stuff in the meantime. Things contributing to depression, stuff like that.

I’m honestly kinda scared that I don’t improve, or that I don’t know where to start if I want to be better.
Seems as if that I just lack this special element that my peers have, and that’s keeping me from going.

Although, I keep going I guess. Be it through stubbornness, fear or general love of the art…
I just wish that I had a clearer, more distinct reason as to why I’m doing this.

projectendo

Anonymous asked:

Do you ever deal with crushing loneliness/depression? I desperately want to connect with people and make good friends, but most days I can barely handle being in the same room with people. Words can't describe just how deeply miserable I feel day after day, and it only gets worse. The only things that come out of my mouth during interactions with people are sarcasm/cynicism. It feels like I'm incapable of expressing myself sincerely. I try to vent it out via drawing, but I'm not very skilled.

projectendo answered:

Depression is an ugly thing. It is unwarranted, sometimes terrifying, and the struggle against it can be as long as it is hard. 

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For me, it manifested as a crushing, debilitating weight. Because a memory is locked in by the emotional experience associated with an event, I have difficulty forming memories because I have felt very little for many years. As a result, days and weeks and months and years blend into a foggy, indecipherable mess. I no longer experience any joy or interest in activities I once loved, such as drawing or gaming. I can’t sleep, I cry often for no reason, and I fight thoughts of self-harm on a day to day basis. I cried in college, failed every class, and had to drop out. Every mistake, every loss, every slip-up, every failure, every inadequacy I can remember burns into my heart. 

Most of the time I struggle to rationalize my existence.

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But as badly as my mind wants it all to stop, my heart wants to keep going, and so I will. My glasses may be tinted by years of hopelessness but that doesn’t mean hope isn’t there. 

Hope is there for me, and it is there for you. 

I feel the same way a lot of the time. Kind of why I feel this stressed and hopeless now.

Thank you for illustrating this as clearly as you did.

projectendo

Anonymous asked:

What's wrong? Anything we can do to help?

Sorry, sorry. I guess I’m making people worried, let me explain.

I’m doing okay at the moment, but I am currently stressing the fuck out over this semester and my final one later this year. Kind of in that “wow, growing up is currently sucking” stage of life, I guess.

I made that text post about why I’m drawing in frustration, as I currently feel like the things I’m doing now aren’t helping me get to a point where I can make a legit career out of art, and I am seemingly, slowly losing motivation to draw as time goes on and these changes get closer. Which I’m sure you can tell, doesn’t help with that whole “improvement” deal.

I really need to branch out and do more things so I can stop being a letdown to my peers - percieved or not - and so I can actually get better. The excitement you guys have for my work currently helps and I do appreciate it, but it’s like…can I continue doimg this? Won’t this look bad to anyone who asks? Am I really a disappointment to anyone who knows what they’re doing?

So…that’s kinda part of what’s on my mind right now. Again, sorry for the vagueposts and making you all worry.